What is love bombing?

Love Bombing is used by mental health professionals to describe a form of emotional abuse.

What is love bombing:
  • Love bombing is a way of establishing control over a person
  • Often shower you with excessive and overwhelming levels of affection and adoration
  • Aim is to make the recipient of the love become dependent and obligated to individual
Effects of love bombing:
  • It can make you feel guilty or ungrateful if problems with your partner occur
  • You may start doing things you normally wouldn’t do
    
Why does this occur:
  • It is part of “the cycle of abuse” 
  • The love bomber attempts to develop false sense of connection and trust, in an effort to control and emotionally abuse later on
  • This type of emotional tactic is associated with narcissism; specifically narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
  • Narcissism traits include: 
    • Constant need for praise or admiration
    • Sense of entitlement  
    • Large sense of self-importance
  • When narcissistic traits merge with long term patterns in relationships that involve exploitation and manipulation
Not all displays of love are love bombing:
  • Love bombing is constant, intense, and may make you feel uncomfortable
  • It is not the occasional romantic surprise from a partner
  • If the goal is to manipulate you, it is love bombing
How long does it last:
  • Once partner establishes control through love bombing, they will shift to a manipulative role, which focuses on devaluing you
  • How long it takes for them to secure your loyalty varies
  • Typically lasts days or weeks or months depending on the resistance
    
Love bombing cycle: 
  • Idealizing
  • Devaluing
  • Discarding
  • Hoovering (or renewed love bombing)
Idealization:
  • Involves compliments, gifts, and lots of attention in the beginning stages
  • May push you to make early commitments, while at the same time become upset if you try to establish boundaries
Devaluing:
  • Once the relationship feels secure, they will shift away from affection completely
  • Becomes manipulative and critical instead
  • Start to devalue the person
Discarding:
  • May suddenly break up with you or seem to replace you 
  • Often known as the discarding phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle
Hoovering:
  • If reached the point where you’re ready to leave the relationship, partner might renew love bombing
  • Insisting “changed ways” and “making an effort”
  • Hoovering (term inspired by vacuum cleaner) because partner might be trying to “suck you back in” using the love bombing tactics
Signs of love bombing:
  • Spend excessively on you, buying over the top gifts
  • Bombard you with compliments
  • Communicate with you relentlessly 
  • Push for commitment early in relationship
  • Make “soulmate” references or about “fate” or “destiny”
  • Relationship feels intense
  • They dislike when you set boundaries
  • You feel uneasy about their level of affection or communication

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