What is love bombing?

Love Bombing is used by mental health professionals to describe a form of emotional abuse.

What is love bombing:

• Love bombing is a way of establishing control over a person

• Often shower you with excessive and overwhelming levels of affection and adoration

• Aim is to make the recipient of the love become dependent and obligated to individual

Effects of love bombing:

• It can make you feel guilty or ungrateful if problems with your partner occur

• You may start doing things you normally wouldn’t do
  

Why does this occur:

• It is part of “the cycle of abuse” in a toxic relationship

• The love bomber attempts to develop false sense of connection and trust, in an effort to control and emotionally abuse later on

• This type of emotional tactic is associated with narcissism; specifically narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

• Narcissism traits include: 

• Constant need for praise or admiration

• Sense of entitlement  

• Large sense of self-importance

• When narcissistic traits merge with long term patterns in relationships that involve exploitation and manipulation

Not all displays of love are love bombing:

• Love bombing is constant, intense, and may make you feel uncomfortable

• It is not the occasional romantic surprise from a partner

• If the goal is to manipulate you, it is love bombing

How long does it last:

• Once partner establishes control through love bombing, they will shift to a manipulative role, which focuses on devaluing you

• How long it takes for them to secure your loyalty varies

• Typically lasts days or weeks or months depending on the resistance
  

Love bombing cycle: 

• Idealizing

• Devaluing

• Discarding

• Hoovering (or renewed love bombing)

Idealization:

• Involves compliments, gifts, and lots of attention in the beginning stages

• May push you to make early commitments, while at the same time become upset if you try to establish boundaries

Devaluing:

• Once the relationship feels secure, they will shift away from affection completely

• Becomes manipulative and critical instead

• Start to devalue the person

Discarding:

• May suddenly break up with you or seem to replace you 

• Often known as the discarding phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle

Hoovering:

• If reached the point where you’re ready to leave the relationship, partner might renew love bombing

• Insisting “changed ways” and “making an effort”

• Hoovering (term inspired by vacuum cleaner) because partner might be trying to “suck you back in” using the love bombing tactics

Signs of love bombing:

• Spend excessively on you, buying over the top gifts

• Bombard you with compliments

• Communicate with you relentlessly 

• Push for commitment early in relationship

• Make “soulmate” references or about “fate” or “destiny”

• Relationship feels intense

• They dislike when you set boundaries

• You feel uneasy about their level of affection or communication