What is love bombing?
Love Bombing is used by mental health professionals to describe a form of emotional abuse.
What is love bombing:
Love bombing is a way of establishing control over a person
Often shower you with excessive and overwhelming levels of affection and adoration
Aim is to make the recipient of the love become dependent and obligated to individual
Effects of love bombing:
It can make you feel guilty or ungrateful if problems with your partner occur
You may start doing things you normally wouldn’t do
Why does this occur:
It is part of “the cycle of abuse”
The love bomber attempts to develop false sense of connection and trust, in an effort to control and emotionally abuse later on
This type of emotional tactic is associated with narcissism; specifically narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
Narcissism traits include:
Constant need for praise or admiration
Sense of entitlement
Large sense of self-importance
When narcissistic traits merge with long term patterns in relationships that involve exploitation and manipulation
Not all displays of love are love bombing:
Love bombing is constant, intense, and may make you feel uncomfortable
It is not the occasional romantic surprise from a partner
If the goal is to manipulate you, it is love bombing
How long does it last:
Once partner establishes control through love bombing, they will shift to a manipulative role, which focuses on devaluing you
How long it takes for them to secure your loyalty varies
Typically lasts days or weeks or months depending on the resistance
Love bombing cycle:
Idealizing
Devaluing
Discarding
Hoovering (or renewed love bombing)
Idealization:
Involves compliments, gifts, and lots of attention in the beginning stages
May push you to make early commitments, while at the same time become upset if you try to establish boundaries
Devaluing:
Once the relationship feels secure, they will shift away from affection completely
Becomes manipulative and critical instead
Start to devalue the person
Discarding:
May suddenly break up with you or seem to replace you
Often known as the discarding phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle
Hoovering:
If reached the point where you’re ready to leave the relationship, partner might renew love bombing
Insisting “changed ways” and “making an effort”
Hoovering (term inspired by vacuum cleaner) because partner might be trying to “suck you back in” using the love bombing tactics
Signs of love bombing:
Spend excessively on you, buying over the top gifts
Bombard you with compliments
Communicate with you relentlessly
Push for commitment early in relationship
Make “soulmate” references or about “fate” or “destiny”
Relationship feels intense
They dislike when you set boundaries
You feel uneasy about their level of affection or communication