Is It Love or Love Bombing? How a Couples Therapist Can Help You Recognize the Difference
It’s a question I often get asked during couples therapy: How do you know if someone’s affection is real love, or if it’s something more unsettling like love bombing? At first, the intensity can feel thrilling. Your phone lights up constantly, conversations spill into the night, and the gestures feel larger than life.
It can feel like you’ve been dropped into a romantic comedy, the kind where everything moves fast and you wonder if maybe this is finally “it.” Yet what feels perfect at first may not be what it seems.
When Love Feels Like Too Much
Love bombing happens when one partner overwhelms the other with affection, gifts, or attention very early in a relationship. It may look like devotion, but it often carries an unspoken goal: to create dependency.
It might look like your phone never stops buzzing. It could feel like grand gestures or promises arrive long before trust has had time to form. Or suddenly “I love you” shows up before you’ve even had the chance to decide what you actually feel.
While this kind of attention can feel flattering, it often turns confusing. Many people notice that the intensity eventually fades and is replaced with criticism, withdrawal, or threats of walking away—all signs of a toxic relationship.
Part of what makes love bombing so powerful is that it feels like the love story you’ve been waiting for. Yet that intensity often reveals itself as too good to be true, because it is.
The Subtle Line Between Passion and Pressure
Not every whirlwind romance is unhealthy. Some relationships begin quickly and continue in a healthy way. The difference is that genuine passion respects boundaries. It unfolds at a pace that feels mutual, with affection that remains steady instead of swinging between extremes. Love bombing, by contrast, creates pressure—the energy feels rushed, one-sided, and destabilizing.
What Research Tells Us
It’s not just a buzzword online. Researchers are beginning to examine love bombing to understand its real effects. One recent study by Duman and Nazari (2024), published in the Journal of Family Psychology, found that university students who experienced love bombing reported lower confidence in their ability to manage romantic relationships. The study also showed a connection between love bombing and ghosting, revealing how quickly affection can flip into silence.
In simple terms: love bombing can leave people doubting themselves and questioning their worth.
Excitement or Love Bombing? A Quick Guide
Excitement feels mutual. Both people are comfortable with the pace and can slow down without fear.
Love bombing feels pressured. One partner pushes for intensity, while asking for space is met with guilt or withdrawal.
Why the First 90 Days Matter
People often reveal their authentic patterns within the first three months of dating. In the beginning, it’s easy to get swept up in the thrill. Over time, consistency - or the lack of it -becomes more visible. If affection is genuine, it holds steady after the initial glow fades. If it is love bombing, the intensity usually cools abruptly, sometimes shifting into criticism or distance.
This is why patience during the early months of dating matters. Rushing into commitment can blur red flags and create a sense of closeness that hasn’t had time to develop. Those first few months matter. Slow down and watch. People can only keep up the performance for so long before their real patterns show.
Patience is a form of protection; slowing down gives love the chance to prove itself.
Future Faking: When Promises Move Faster Than Reality
Another warning sign is future faking. This happens when someone makes sweeping promises about a life together before they have truly gotten to know you.
A month in, they might already be imagining forever. Some people start talking about marriage or children before there’s a foundation. Others bring up holidays or shared plans that feel more like fantasy than reality.
Future faking is often fueled by limerence—the intense stage of infatuation, in which imagination races ahead of intimacy. The promises rarely lead to something lasting. Instead, they create a false sense of certainty, leaving one partner believing the relationship is more stable than it really is.
How a Couples Therapist in Arcadia Can Help
Therapy gives couples the chance to pause and look at their patterns with clarity. The focus isn’t on blame, but on helping each partner see how the relationship is unfolding.
Ways couples therapy supports lasting change include:
Slowing the pace. If love is genuine, time will only strengthen it.
Noticing cycles. Identifying when affection flips into withdrawal or criticism can break unhealthy patterns.
Rebuilding confidence. Therapy helps partners trust themselves again and set boundaries without guilt.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you’re unsure whether what you’re experiencing is excitement or love bombing, pause and reflect:
Does this pace leave me energized or drained?
If I asked for space, would my partner respect it?
Do I feel more secure in this connection, or more confused?
The answers to those questions can tell you more than any grand gesture ever will.
A Couples Therapist’s Perspective
In my work as a couples therapist in Arcadia, CA, I often see the heartbreak that comes when early excitement shifts into control. Many people genuinely want to love well, but fears of abandonment or old relational wounds take over.
Therapy helps couples slow down and separate the rush of limerence from the steady work of building trust. Love should feel steady and safe. It should draw you closer, not leave you doubting yourself.
Final Thoughts From a Couples Therapist in Arcadia, CA
Falling in love should be exciting, but it should also bring peace. If the connection is real, it won’t demand rushing or overwhelm. It will have the patience to grow. The relationships that last aren’t the ones that burn the brightest at the start; they’re the ones steady enough for trust and intimacy to actually grow.
Sorting out the difference between love and love bombing isn’t always easy. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Maple Leaf Counseling offers a safe place to pause, reflect, and move toward the kind of connection that feels steady and real. We encourage you take take that next step—contact us by phone at (626) 214-8384 or email at info@mapleleafcounseling.org.
Create Healthier Relationship Patterns With Couples Therapy in Arcadia, CA
Love should feel safe, consistent, and supportive, not overwhelming or confusing. If you’ve ever wondered whether your partner’s intense attention is genuine affection or a form of love bombing, couples therapy can help you uncover the difference. With the guidance of a skilled therapist, you and your partner can explore underlying patterns, improve communication, and build a relationship rooted in mutual respect and emotional security.
At Maple Leaf Counseling, we provide both in-person sessions in Arcadia and Claremont as well as online counseling so you can access care in the way that works best for you. Here’s how to begin your journey:
Discuss your relationship concerns and goals for therapy during a free 20-minute consultation.
Work with an experienced couples therapist in Arcadia who can help identify unhealthy patterns and guide you toward healthier dynamics.
Learn practical tools that strengthen trust, create clear boundaries, and foster authentic connection.
You don’t have to navigate the uncertainty of love bombing or unhealthy dynamics alone. Couples therapy can help you gain clarity, feel empowered, and build the kind of relationship you truly deserve.
Other Services at Maple Leaf Counseling in California
Understanding the difference between genuine love and love bombing can be confusing, especially when emotions are high and boundaries feel blurred. Couples therapy provides a safe place to sort through these patterns, helping you and your partner gain clarity, rebuild trust, and create a foundation for healthier, more balanced connection.
At Maple Leaf Counseling, we recognize that relationship challenges are just one piece of the puzzle. That’s why we offer a variety of services in Arcadia and Claremont beyond couples counseling. Our therapists provide individual therapy for adults, as well as counseling for teens and children, to support the emotional needs of the entire family. We also specialize in helping clients cope with grief, chronic illness, perinatal or postpartum transitions, and other major life stressors. All services are available both in-person at our Arcadia and Claremont offices and through secure online sessions, giving you flexible options for care.
To learn more about our team and how we can support you, we encourage you to explore our mental health blog, check out our FAQ page, or reach out to us directly. You can also stay connected by following us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. Whatever challenges you may be facing, we’re here to walk alongside you on the path toward healing and lasting change.
About the Author
Jennifer Davenport, PhD, AMFT, is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Maple Leaf Counseling in Arcadia. She specializes in helping children, adolescents, and couples navigate complex relationship dynamics with warmth and authenticity. Jenn draws on person-centered and polyvagal-informed approaches, supporting clients in building healthier connections and creating safe spaces for growth.